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Unemployment among Wisconsin’s animals

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Unemployment among Wisconsin’s animals

Lukas Eggenberger

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According to a recently conducted study from UW-Madison, over 90 percent of Wisconsin’s animals are unemployed. This confirms Jill Stein’s suspicion of a rising unemployment rate among animals in the past ten years.
Jill Stein recently made it into the news for the Wisconsin Recount. She didn’t reach her goal of proving that Hillary Clinton won. With approximately $7.4 million spent on the recount, Jill Stein is very proud of herself. “I like to raise money to then spend it on projects for the common good. Being helpful for the community is on my bucket list,” said Stein proudly.
And so she did it again. She was able to raise $16.8 million for her most recent ‘community improvement project.’ After building a team with 16 full-time animal researchers, the team conducted a statewide survey. In total, they asked over 300,980 animals about their employment. While asking dogs and cows was easy, the researchers had complications when it came to bees and venomous snakes. “Due to high casualties in my team, I had to hire new researchers on a daily base. The spendings went up constantly, but I feel confident that I was doing the right thing,” admitted Jill Stein.
Although the team didn’t ask all the animals living in Wisconsin, they were able to get some highly valuable numbers out of the study. Just about nine percent of the animals are employed. “The biggest problems are inabilities of speaking a language, immigrant backgrounds amongst birds of passage and insufficient body hygiene,” explained Stein.
Only a small part of all the animals are able to receive food and salary on a regular basis. The highest employment rate is exhibited by livestock. Pigs, chickens, bees, cows and sheep have an employment rate of 97 percent. Still above average are dogs with 12 percent. They have jobs in the security and hunting industries. Mice and rats can be found in laboratories (six percent employed). Just about five percent of all the pigeons are employed in the logistics industry.
It’s uncommon for animals to receive unemployment benefits. That’s because they prefer to have a human being taking care of them or they live in the wilderness. But at the same time, their labor power and tax revenues are missing in the economy. This causes losses in billions of dollars.
Jill Stein is now planning a field training offensive to get more animals back to work. Especially the ones living in the wilderness.

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